Falling in love is one of the most potent spiritual experiences many of us have ever had. Feelings of oneness, of completion, of timelessness, and of ecstasy fall upon us,” says therapist and love coach Shelly Bullard.
The problem lies in the fact that we soon begin to believe that the other person in the relationship holds the key to our feelings, to feeling this good, to these feelings that are so desirable. And so that person becomes powerful.
“We are tricked into believing that love exists outside of us – in them,” she goes on to say. “And if only we do and say all the right things, then we will get to hold onto to this amazing feeling of love.” This itself is the ego talking.
What we don’t realise is that the feeling of love is occurring within us and the way to really make it last is to allow ourselves to feel it. “Your ego doesn’t want you to feel love because it doesn’t exist when you do,” says Shelly. The ego then fights for its life by pulling you back into your mind when your heart gets full, but what we must make an effort to remember is that love does not live in the mind; it lives in the heart. All we have to do is recognise theego’s voice inside our head and politely say, “No, thank you.” Then, drop back into your heart and allow yourself to feel the love rather than analyse it. “It’s not the heart that gets us into trouble, but the head,” says Shelly. Listing pros and cons, questioning your love simply gets you into a frenzy. Nothing is as important as how you feel. “There is a level of wisdom that occurs beyond the mind. This is called intuition.” When you fall in love, trust that feeling, trust your heart and relax into love.
“Consciously allow yourself to feel your way through it. And don’t be afraid. Love is supposed to feel really good — let it! The more you get out of your head and drop back into your heart, the better it’s going to be.” www.shellybullard.com
Shelly Bullard’s 10 lessons to get the love you want :
Your partner is your mirror: All of our relationships are opportunities to learn about ourselves. Typically the behaviours we blame our partners for we do as well, though we aren’t always conscious of this.
Get to know your ego: We have to get to know our egos if we are going to let them go. We need to become conscious of all the fears that are dictating our realities so that we can change them and move on to love.
Say hello to your soul: You are your Soul. Soul is the word I use to describe your essence, the real you, your true self. We have to start getting to know our true selves if we want to create meaningful relationships.
Know who you are hanging out with: You have to know the difference between soul and ego if you’re going to choose one over the other.
Change your life, forgive your parents: Our first relationships (and therefore our first wounds) happened with our parents. In order to move on from these wounds, we have to forgive.
Drop old ego beliefs: Our beliefs dictate our realities, and often we hold a lot of limiting beliefs about love that impact our relationships.
Catch fear in the act: We have to be watching fear as it pops up daily so we can release it and create a different reality.
Self-love: The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. People will only love you as much as you love yourself. Be who you want to be with: You have to embody the qualities of the type of partner you want to have.
Choose Love: We get a choice everyday. We can choose to approach people in a loving manner (with compassion and kindness) or we can choose not to. This choice will dictate how much love we feel in our live
YogaLife Magazine February 2015 Edition