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How to make New Year’s Resolutions work

by Handan Darici

You’ve heard it all before: New Year, New Me. And here I am to say that New Years resolutions don’t work. What?! They don’t? Nope.

And this is why. If your behaviour was solely controlled by the conscious mind (the waking mind, the mind that reads this article and creates resolutions), then yes it would have worked. But since the conscious mind is only 5% of your entire functioning, the remaining 95% comes from the subconscious mind. And unless there is a ‘new belief’ and a new way of being implanted ‘programmed’ into the subconscious mind (and there are no conflicting beliefs), you will not be able to change behaviour in a sustainable way.

Anytime you find yourself doing things you vehemently told yourself you were never going to do..well that’s your subconscious mind in action. It’s the gambler that loses money and says he is never going to gamble again, but soon enough when an opportunity presents itself he is back at it again. Or the person that says they’re going on a diet but they find themselves inhaling pizza, burgers and fries. Or any time you said you were going to write that business plan, or create a business card, but you keep delaying it. Or the time you told yourself you were never going to accept somebody mistreating you, and suddenly you find yourself in an abusive relationship. It’s called self-sabotage, the act of being your own worst enemy. Who makes these choices? You do. Why would anyone work against themselves? You see, nobody does it on purpose. There is an entire system at work behind all our choices and behaviour. We always act the way we are programmed to act, just like machines. Your beliefs are your programming. What you believe on a subconscious level creates your Reality. So where do these beliefs come from? They come from your experiences. Especially between the ages 0-6 most of your programming would

have already been done. Your beliefs about Love, Money, Health, Worthiness (how important and valued you are) would have been absorbed through everything you saw and heard. Some beliefs go even deeper, the study of epigenetics shows us that we actually inherit trauma, attitudes and beliefs from our ancestors. So your inability to trust others, addictions and compulsive fear, might very well be ancestral (inherited) and not even so much based on your own experiences from this life.

Self-sabotage works in very subtle ways, it is not always obvious. Think about all the opportunities that were presented to you but you didn’t recognise and therefore failed to take. Or the opportunity that you do take and then sabotage it. That’s like the person that wants to meet the love of their lives, and when they finally do, they cheat, lie and treat them badly. These are all acts of sabotage. Why would somebody do this?

Often we can link it back to a deep sense of unworthiness. When you get something you subconsciously feel unworthy/undeserving of, you experience something called ‘cognitive dissonance’. Having it makes you feel highly uncomfortable, because your reality doesn’t match the information (programming) on a deep subconscious level, hence what you will do is act in ways that will destroy the relationship, opportunity, job offer, friendship, project etc. You need to first feel worthy before you can appreciate it. Secondly it can be linked to a fear of failure and other negatives beliefs such as: being weak, incompetent, a failure etc.

Some of the best examples can be studied by observing the lives of celebrities. It’s the common story where the person in question completely loses their ways after having it all. Their Reality of ‘power’, ‘fame’, and ‘money’ will trigger them enormously if they haven’t built a healthy self-esteem and a sense of deservingness of everything they are gaining. If the inner world (beliefs) don’t match the outer world, they will go into destructive behaviour to ruin their opportunities and any other positive experience that is coming to them.

Can this be changed? Absolutely.

We first need to understand why you have this pattern in place and how it serves you to be self-destructive and self-defeating (yes even the worst patterns serve us in some way). Then we train the mind to get the positive serving in healthier ways, a reprogramming of the mind ensues and the client is able to experience the positive growth without subconscious resistance.

From an energy perspective, once we remove this resistance to happiness, love, growth and success, you will actually start attracting more of the good stuff.

A couple of years ago I had discovered that I was inconsistent when it came to exercise. On every level of my being I knew it is good for me and that I should do it, but like most people I would go to the gym 3 days in a row and quit on the 4th day. I did a ThetaHealing session on myself, and what I found was that I was inconsistent in exercise because of a subconscious fear of ‘opportunity loss’. If I commit to exercise every day, it would mean that I might be missing opportunities to do something else that was more fun. This fear creates a negative behaviour of not wanting to go to the gym. So I reprogrammed my mind and altered my behaviour. It was simple as that and I haven’t slacked off ever since.

ThetaHealing is a highly effective technique in changing and altering limiting behavioural patterns. You can either book private sessions to work on emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual blockages, or you can do the course and learn how to change these patterns yourself, which is highly empowering.


About the Author: Handan is a holistic therapist based in Dubai certified in a wealth of healing modalities that compliment each other to ensure the wellbeing of her clients. She is a ThetaHealing® practitioner and instructor, as well as a Yoga therapist, Breath-work and meditation facilitator. She pursued her passion of alternative therapies despite coming from a corporate background and is now dedicated to helping others awaken and heal. Through her sessions, clients and students are able to uncover deeply held limiting beliefs, transform negative behavioural patterns and release blocks from unresolved trauma that are stored within the physical and energy bodies. She teaches courses and provides private sessions at Illuminations in Dubai.

For bookings you can get in touch with her on: handan@indigolighthouse.org.

Follow her journey on Instagram: @handan_holistichealing

Source: YogaLife Magazine January-March 2018 edition



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